Feb. 11, 2026
Everyone Chases “High Value” Here’s What They’re Missing
Send a text Everyone’s chasing “high value,” but most people miss what really matters. In this episode, we flip the script: it’s not looks, money, or status, it’s who you actually build your life with. Safety first, strategy next. We break down the real red flags: moving too fast, blame-shifting, or how someone acts under stress. Short, calm periods don’t erase patterns and paying attention to behavior beats relying on promises. We also ditch the dating labels—alpha, beta, “high value”...
Everyone’s chasing “high value,” but most people miss what really matters.
In this episode, we flip the script: it’s not looks, money, or status, it’s who you actually build your life with. Safety first, strategy next.
We break down the real red flags: moving too fast, blame-shifting, or how someone acts under stress. Short, calm periods don’t erase patterns and paying attention to behavior beats relying on promises.
We also ditch the dating labels—alpha, beta, “high value”—and focus on what compounds over time: character, humility, and consistent support. Research even shows your closest relationships predict happiness, health, and success better than money or status.
If you want a practical way to pick the right partner and protect your future, this episode is for you.
Follow, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can hear it.
00:00 - Lethality And Control In DV
03:25 - Warning Signs And Risk Factors
06:10 - How To Vet A Partner
09:45 - Too Much Too Soon
WEBVTT
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How do you tell somebody out there right now it's like, especially and maybe it's not fair to say this, you know, it's like it seems to be the demise of women quite often is the man.
00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:16.719
The number one cause of death amongst pregnant women is the dude that did it to them.
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They kill him because it's a loss of control.
00:00:20.640 --> 00:00:26.640
And uh, you know, when they gave us uh lethality charts for domestic violence on our bench.
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And if he says any of the following things, he's gonna kill himself.
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He knows she's gonna leave, she's pregnant.
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You can put anything that makes him seem like he's gonna lose control.
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We know how lethal we sus we can guess how lethal he's going to be.
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And then we used I used to have domestic violence agencies in the courtroom on my DV days to get, because what happens is the woman will fall through the cracks because she does this, I put him out of the house, it's two weeks, it gets better, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:08.719
And then she kind of eases his way back in, and I get the domestic violence groups on them right away, so they have a source.
00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:10.319
They may go back, yeah.
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Even if it gets funky again, they've got source, process, and procedure.
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And that's what's just so crazy to me.
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It's like you can have the partner that pushes you to get that one extra vote and knock on the door and change your life, or you can choose the partner that's gonna ruin your life, possibly do something horrible to you.
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You know, it's like, what do what's your advice for young women on how to make that choice?
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You know, I I my thing was you gotta you gotta know them at least for a few years.
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Yeah.
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Because you gotta see them when they're down, when they're out, when they're sick, when they're tired.
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You gotta date them long enough so they can't, you know, send their representative anymore in anymore.
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Like I can be, I can look like this cute every once in a while.
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But mostly I'd look I look pretty jacked up.
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But but but if you live with me long enough, jacked up is what you'll see.
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And you have to see them sick, you have to see them angry, you gotta watch the way they talk to the women in their family, you gotta watch the way they talk about the other women in their lives.
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Do they blame people, other people for do they blame others for their own errors?
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That is a huge central red flag uh for potential viewers.
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And then you have to ask yourself, what are the five things I really don't like about them?
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And if you don't know five things you don't like about them, you don't know them well enough because there's five things not to like about everybody.
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And then you have to decide, A, is it something that can it that can accelerate?
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And B, if it stays the way it is, can I live with it long term?
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So if it's a temper, those things can accelerate.
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Yeah.
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And you got to see who he gets mad at and how mad he gets and what makes him angry, and if he cannot blame himself for his own mistakes, he's a guy to run from.
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Also, too much too soon.
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He meets you Monday, you date on Tuesday, he can't live without you on Wednesday, you got a problem on Thursday.
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Because that that that rapid, I gotta be with you, and I gotta have you, and I gotta see where you are.
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It sounds romantic in the beginning, but it's really like uber controlling.
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I think actually that's such amazing advice and insight.
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And you know, it's like predominantly what I do here is I try to teach business, you know, to people that don't have the rich uncle to teach that to them.
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And so people are like, well, well, Tyler, we're talking about relationships today.
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But no, we're not.
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We're talking about support systems.
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And you know, there's nobody out there that right now, you know, you can talk about a board of directors if you have a huge company.
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The people on the board are supposed to be the best at their arena and guiding the company and helping the CEO make decisions, or we talk about like the five people in your life who are the top five people in your life, and I'll show you who you are, you know, sort of thing.
00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:02.719
Why don't we analyze your partner enough?
00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:06.319
Yeah, because we're analyzing it based on all the wrong things.
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Yeah, you know, at first we analyzed based just if you look good, yeah, you know, which did which was back in the day.
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I mean, I was 65 now, but back in the day, I didn't look too bad.
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You still gotta judge.
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And you guys would overlook a lot of crazy because they just looking at you, you know what I mean?
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You overlook a lot of crazy, but you know, I like tall dudes.
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Uh I vowed never to marry a guy over six feet, under six feet.
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Now that is superficial, except if your daddy's 5'2, you're 5'1, your mother's four your sister's 4'10, and your m your grandmother is 4'8.
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Yeah.
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I if I had sons, I had to give them a shot at something.
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But we're looking, and especially these days, and I don't know, I it's a lot in in black dating world, and I don't know if it's like this in the white dating world, but it's all about are you high value?
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Are you an alpha male?
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Are you a beta male?
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Are you what kind of uh, you know, it's really just a contract, what kind of what do you bring to the table?
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What do you bring to the table?
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It's gotten very superficial.
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Uh, they had this guy named Samuel Sam Samuel, uh Kevin Samuels, and he used to give this, he used to tell women, yeah, you're too fat, you'll never get anybody.
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It's become very adversarily, at least in the in the black, in some areas of the black community.
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But I even talked to my sons and and and and other people, and it's they're not looking for what we were looking for.
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Yeah.
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They want value, and I wanted companionship.
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I think.
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I'm not sure.
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So now we're logical enough to think value, but are we also like just because we have somebody that's valued high, does it mean they're the greatest support system?
00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:06.240
I love that your analogy came out today is like getting the extra vote because your husband helped you, right?
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Pushed you, guy.
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Supported you, you know, it's like like we're undervaluing that, like the good support system.
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That doesn't mean he, she has to be the CEO of a major company to have value.
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You know, it's like there's not, and that's why I really wanted to hit this home a little bit, is because, you know, it's like that support system can drive you to unparalleled new things, can drive you to be a judge.
00:06:33.360 --> 00:06:40.319
There is uh an almost hundred-year-long longitudinal study that bears that out.
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It's the uh, I think it's the Glik study from Harvard.
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It started in 1938.
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And in 1938, you know, Madison Grant and Hitler and everybody, all out there trying to, we we want to separate everything by race.
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You know, and not only white good, black bad, it was like, it was like the Teutonic blue-eyed, blonde-haired, then the Middle Alpines, and then the Mediterranean whites.
00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:23.439
So you're gonna do those, and then and they had all of these ideas, and so they were doing a study in 1938, and they wanted, they thought that who you were genetically or your race determined how well you did.
00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:31.519
So they took a bunch of Harvard cats and they talked a bunch of poor guys from Boston, uh-huh, and they started following them throughout their lives.
00:07:31.680 --> 00:07:34.800
I mean, and they were doing they were testing their head size.
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Uh, as years went on, they gave them MRI, CT, studied them every week, just doom do doom do doom.
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Then they started adding women and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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And there were, and there were five other studies that started based on that.
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And the one thing they found, more than anything else, that predicted was long, healthy life and happiness, and even better, better health and wellness, yeah, was the number and the depth of meaningful relationships you had in your life, above everything, above your parents' money, above your schooling, above your intellect.
00:08:15.759 --> 00:08:19.360
And they were all, and it was not like it wasn't close.
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It wasn't, you know, it's a little bit beyond anything, it was that.
00:08:26.079 --> 00:08:37.279
There's a great documentary called Happy that basically backs that up entirely, too, you know, and it has everything to do with like family unity, you know, like uh feeling like belonged, feeling supported.
00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:45.279
You know, it's like that's why if you get one thing out of this show today, it's like make sure you like, yes, have close connections, but vet those close connections, you know.
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And make sure they're meaningful.
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Yeah.
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And, you know, we do so much time on the internet now, you know, we are aggregating everybody else's angst by watching their sad stories, and then we're trying to prove a point, you know, well, I'm high value and I can get this guy and that guy.
00:09:03.919 --> 00:09:07.200
And they call this the anxious generation.
00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:10.480
And that's part of the reason why they're so upset and anxious.
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They're comparing what kind I got, how much, how good I got, how much money I got, how pretty I am, and you know, is my guy an alpha guy?
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And I don't date guys with under$100,000.
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I I my husband had four kids from his first wife, he had no money, but he loved me.
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Yeah.
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And look, I made more money now because I made a guy who made less than I did and was never gonna make as much as I did.
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But he and I ended up doing quite well because he was the brother I needed.
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Yeah.
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He couldn't have done it without me, and I couldn't have done it without him.
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That's when you've hit the jackpot.
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I know two guys in particular, and their wives are about the most supportive people I've ever seen.
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You know, and it's like they have their own stuff going on.
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That's not to diminish the role by the right.
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Right, right, right, right.
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You know, it's like, but they are like their husbands are almost their hero.
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You know, they're the ones out there, like any second they get you can't, you they're bragging about you can't brag for yourself that way.
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You know, it's like they're bragging about them, they're making them believe that they can do more.
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And these are the people that I've seen go the furthest.
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Yep.
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Is that like support system?
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It's unbelievable what it's done for them.
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Unbelievable.
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And it and it's everything.
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It's everything.
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I wasn't going to go TV.
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They call me.
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Do you want to do a TV show?
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Heck no.
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Yeah.
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I just say no.
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Yeah.
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You know, nobody, you know, nobody believes, you know.
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That's when you need that.
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You know, it's like that that voice, and you know, that is your board of directors and one person that you care about more than anybody on the planet.
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And if that person is a bad advisor or trying to bring you down or you can't do it, you know.
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You are in trouble.
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Yeah.
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But if this cat, he says, You're the only person who doesn't know how smart you are.
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He used to say that to me.
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I would agree with that statement.
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And I said, Yeah, but you know, because I've been around people who can really think.
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I mean, you know, they were some people at Harvard that were like, you know, just blow your mind, but but uh anyway.
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